I often talk about my thirty-six year old son, Brandon and how he has been able to live on his own for the past twelve years, despite all the professionals telling us it would be impossible. However, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression that everything is easy and great for my son, because it isn’t. What I am trying to say, is even when our children have limitations in many areas like Brandon does, they can still make independence work for them, if they have the will and desire.

As I watch my son struggle with each and every move, and every thought I can’t help but to say to myself, how does he do it? Every step of the way, everyday is filled with challenge after challenge.

If Brandon can’t do something, he wants to learn how, and he will in his own timing, and in his own way. If others mistreat him, he finds ways to heal his wounds, often by talking it out with me. I just listen, because he needs to be heard, and then he is able to work through it and let it go. If he feels lonely he has learned how to entertain himself, sometimes just a cuddly stuffed animal works wonders. If he has a Grand Mal seizure he will rest, and is then ready to start all over again.

Brandon’s limitations are numerous, and yet he has been able to conquer his dream of living in his own apartment, alone. Where does he get the strength? How does he find the courage to continue on, and want to better himself? I believe I know his secret, he does not carry any old baggage from one day into the next. That allows Brandon to start fresh each and everyday with a clean slate.

Brandon is a survivor. What drives Brandon is he wants more than anything in the world to fit in somewhere. That is something he has always wanted since he was a little boy. Today, he wants to have friends, a girlfriend, and to learn how to relate to others. I believe what makes Brandon so special is his willingness to go after what he wants, especially when it is so difficult for him to achieve it.

With Brandon having Asperger’s, untreatable epilepsy, and severe learning disorders most people find my son to be rather odd. But if people took the time to truly understand my son they just might feel the same way I do, Brandon is a sweet, kind, gentle soul.

Independence is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child or adult. Their development and growth may surprise you as you learn and discover new ways to work with their limitations. If you give your children opportunities to succeed and support them through acceptance, love and kindness they just may move beyond all expectations as my son, Brandon has done.

There is Hope,

Amalia Starr

They say, you are what you eat.

If I had to single out the best thing that has happened in 2009, that would be helping my thirty-six year old son, Brandon continue to develop and grow. He has reached many plateaus over the years, and then for long periods of time his maturation seemed to completely stop. It’s almost like his mind and body needed to catch up with one another and come back in sync. Now, I have realized those seemingly dormant periods were the times that Brandon needed to process the new information.

Although Brandon has been able to live alone for more than twelve years, there are many basic tasks he continues to struggle with. The most challenging has been how to eat healthy. Brandon still has great difficulty with his fine motor skills so preparing food is extremely hard, and knowing what to buy to make a balanced, healthy meal, and something he will want to eat is completely foreign to him.

Several months ago, Brandon and I were out eating in a restaurant when I realized how I could help him accomplish this most difficult task. At Brandon’s favorite restaurant, you place your order first and then take a number and sit down and wait for your food to be delivered to your table. Before you place your order there is a huge glass counter filled with all the dishes you can choose from. I could see Brandon was struggling with what would be best, good, or right. I asked Brandon, “How about if you choose your food by color? Pick two colors, for example, the orange carrots, green beans, yellow squash and then add one beige, white, or brown item.”

Ever since that day, Brandon has been eating healthier. He is no longer ordering a sandwich, with a side of fries, and macaroni. His plate used to have too many starches, and looked beige, white, and grey, but today his plate looks colorful, vibrant, and healthy, and so does he. This was a huge break through for Brandon.

Brandon understands the concept and loves the idea. He has even taken it to the next level, when purchasing food at the market he chooses live salads in place of boxed items that we call food with little value. He has replaced cookies with trail mix, potato chips with a rice snack, and his breakfast cereal is covered in rice milk. He is aware that there are many healthy alternatives, and he is discovering new products each time he shops. He looks at marketing much differently. It used to be an awful chore, but now he sees it as a new adventure.

While living in his apartment, cooking and eating properly has been a huge struggle for Brandon. But, this year he has conquered both. He feels proud of himself and is able to make good, healthy choices. They say, you are what you eat, and Brandon is the perfect example.

As parents, who have children or adults with autism, we are often forced to think outside the box to match our children’s thinking. Once we get that perfect match it’s almost magical, and everyone seems to benefit.

It is now a pleasure to go grocery shopping and to go out to a restaurant with Brandon, he knows what he wants and he has a newly found self-confidence that is delightful. Eating is no longer an issue it has become fun and enjoyable.

May 2010 bring you much pleasure, joy, and, creativity.

Warm Wishes,

Amalia Starr